I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
