You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
