apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
