I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Vodka?
Forever.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
