Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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