A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
