Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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