I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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