ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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