he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
