no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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