she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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