The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
