I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
