yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
