great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
