You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
