MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
