we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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