Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
