no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
