I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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