Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
