you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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