I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it's great music for shaving your balls
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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