It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She bit a glass in half.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
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A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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