I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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