i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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