oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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