Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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