my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i wish my penis had a tongue
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
God I need to hump something, right now.
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