Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
