Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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