My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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