I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
