Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
