I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
