her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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