her vagine was all disorganized.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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