apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
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That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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