I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
