I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
