No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
