I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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