i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How does one acquire holy water?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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