Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
