I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
