If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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