wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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