they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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