So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
