smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
