u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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