i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
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I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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