So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
