I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
