Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
