we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize