i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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