Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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