I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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