god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
a search helicopter?!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
