So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
