I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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