i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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