I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Randomize
