Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
only you would photoshop your dick
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
