It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
