I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
