At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
