I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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