Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
