I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
